Be Unexpected

In a tweet: LUX decisions & consequences. Baby given up for adoption returns. Her birth parents deal w/fallout while becoming a fam. Tues 9/8c on CW.

I know you are all in shock I didn’t choose to highlight the all-new Glee episode tonight at 8/7c on FOX. I like to switch it up on y’all and I think this is a sweet show that is scratching my Gilmore Girls/WB circa 1999 itch. Again I must say that this is not a substitution for watching the show but I want you guys to get this program on your radar. So stop reading if you don’t want spoilers.

I am serious.

15 years ago goody-two shoes nerd Cate did the unexpected with the captain of the football team Baz in the back of his van. She got pregnant and decided that she would give the baby up for adoption so that the baby would have a better life. After being born and being placed for adoption it was discovered that the baby had a heart defect that would need several surgeries to correct. Even with all of these health problems the nurses felt she had a light about her so she was named Lux (aka Light in German). It turns out that Lux was never adopted and grew up in foster care. Sick of it, she decides to get her birth parents to sign her emancipation papers. We find out that Baz still thinks he is in college. He owns a bar (well his Dad does) and he lives above it with two of his buddies. Cate on the other hand became a “commitment-a-phobe” and a relationship radio talk show host. The thing is that Cate isn’t a complete commitment-a-phobe. She is secretly dating and becomes engaged to her co-host Ryan. A judge decides that the best thing for Lux is for her birth parents to have joint custody.


Flashing forward. Cate marries Ryan even though she has developed feelings for Baz and the two shared a one-night stand. Lux is adapting to two different worlds: her old life as a foster kid with a stereotypical punk boyfriend named Bug and her new family life that includes school and potential love interest with the most popular guy in school. That’s all you need to know but to recap catch the show on iTunes or Netflix.

Go Chuck Yourself

In a tweet: Chuck is a comedy about “Ordinary guy” that dl’s a spy program that makes him a super spy. Knowledge w/o the experience. Tune in NBC M @ 8/7C.

Now I normally wouldn’t Wikipedia it (http://twe.ly/Lgi) and tell you to watch the show from the beginning but I want you to watch this show. So stop reading if you don’t want spoilers.

I am serious.

Chuck centers around Charles “Chuck” Bartowski. When we meet Chuck he is a self professed loser who is stuck working at a Buy More in their tech services department (think Geek Squad) and living with his Doctor sister Ellie and her Doctor boyfriend Devon “Captain Awesome” Woodcomb. It turns out that Chuck wasn’t always a loser though. He was a top student at Stamford and was on his way to being a successful tech mogul. That was until his college best friend/ college roommate, Bryce Larkin (of White Collar) turned him in for cheating on a test. To add to it, Bryce also stole Chuck’s college sweetheart and love of his loins Jill. Chuck was expelled and had no choice to move home broken hearted, bewildered, and stuck in limbo.

Then the email happened.

Bryce sent Chuck an encrypted email that contained a program called the Intersect that was downloaded into Chuck’s photographic memory of a brain. The Intersect contained every piece of information that multiple agencies (CIA, FBI, Oprah, etc.) around the world had collected on Terrorists including an organization called Fulcrum. This was the only copy of the program and Chuck was the only person that had it. The computer that housed the program was destroyed and for better or worse Chuck was the only person that could access this through flashes. The government sent two agents to protect him while they worked to create a new Intersect. Part of protecting him was that FBI agent Colonel John Casey would work at the Buy More with Chuck and his ne’er-do-well childhood bestfriend Morgan Grimes, while the CIA’s Sarah Walker would pose as his girlfriend and work at a nearby Hot Dog fast food restaurant. While this was happening Chuck had to live two lives and not let anyone know his secret.

To not spoil every surprise while you go back and watch the show you will need to know the following in Season 4. Everyone now knows Chuck’s secret. Chuck and Ellie were abandoned by their parents and raised by each other. The reason why? Their parents are SPIES! Chuck’s dad was Orion (played by Scott Bakula from Quantum Leap) a tech brain that actually created the Intersect and saved Chuck by creating an update that actually turned him into a real spy with the ability to actually fight. Chuck’s Dad was recently murdered by Fulcrum, which has just sent us on a quest to find Chuck’s Mom played by James Cameron’s Alimony Recipient Linda Hamilton or as I like to call her Sarah Connor. The problem being that Chuck promised Ellie that he would stop the spy game. Also, Casey’s daughter Alex kinda has a thing for spy-in-training Morgan, which does not please the Colonel in any way shape or form. Lastly, Chuck and Sarah have finished the will they won’t they dance and are a real couple. That’s all you need to know to get into Chuck. Go watch the first three season which are available on iTunes AND Netflix. I am also available for questions.

The Emmys

Every year the voters get it wrong and Every year I get annoyed. Weirdly, this year it wasn't that off. If I had it my way the right Emmy nomination list would be:

Drama Series
• Friday Night Lights
• Dexter
• The Good Wife
• Lost
• Parenthood
• Grey’s Anatomy

Comedy Series
• Chuck
• Glee
• Modern Family
• Nurse Jackie
• Community
• How I Met Your Mother

Lead Actor, Drama
• Tate Donnovan, Damages
• Michael C. Hall, Dexter
• Kyle Chandler, Friday Night Lights
• Jon Hamm, Mad Men
• Peter Krause, Parenthood)
• Matthew Fox, Lost

Lead Actress, Drama
• Lauren Graham, Parenthood
• Regina King, Southland
• Connie Britton, Friday Night Lights
• Chandra Wilson, Grey’s Anatomy
• January Jones, Mad Men
• Julianna Margulies, The Good Wife

Lead Actor, Comedy
• Jim Parsons, The Big Bang Theory
• John McHale, Community
• Matthew Morrison, Glee
• Zachary Levi, Chuck
• Ed O’Neil, Modern Family
• Alec Baldwin, 30 Rock

Lead Actress, Comedy
• Toni Collette, United States of Tara
• Edie Falco, Nurse Jackie
• Courtney Cox, Cougar Town
• Lea Michele, Glee
• Julia Louis-Dreyfus, The New Adventures of Old Christine
• Amy Poehler, Parks and Recreation

Supporting Actor, Comedy
• Chris Colfer, Glee
• Jesse Tyler Ferguson, Modern Family
• Ty Burrell, Modern Family
• Jon Cryer, Two and a Half Men
• Neil Patrick Harris, How I Met Your Mother
• Eric Stonestreet, Modern Family

Supporting Actress, Comedy
• Julie Bowen, Modern Family
• Yvonne Strahovski, Chuck
• Jane Lynch, Glee
• Sofia Vergara, Modern Family
• Busy Phillips, Cougar Town
• Allison Hannigan, How I Met Your Mother

Supporting Actor, Drama
• Michael Emerson, Lost
• John Lithgow, Dexter
• Terry O'Quinn, Lost
• Aaron Paul, Breaking Bad
• Martin Short, Damages
• John Slattery, Mad Men

Supporting Actress, Drama
• Elizabeth Mitchell, Lost
• Archie Panjabi, The Good Wife
• Evangeline Lily, Lost
• Mae Whitman, Parenthood
• Elisabeth Moss, Mad Men
• Deborah Ann Woll, True Blood

#8 - Gives You Hell

#8 - Gives You Hell (from Episode 14: Hell-O )

Why it ranked? Although this episode has been given a lot of flak from me for being ok, I love this performance. Sure the track sounds Karaoke and I am probably the only person that has the original on their iPod but I have always loved it. It might be my connection to Rachel but, I love the anger and how she uses music as a weapon. Rachel was just dumped by her "soul mate" Finn so that he could date around because he was embarrassed to date social outcast Rachel and because he couldn't see her for who she was. Haven't we all been there? Everyone in the choir room wasn't sure where it was going but they still all joined in much to Finn's disappointment and Rachel's Glee.

#9 - Keep Holding On

#9 - Keep Holding On (from Episode 7: Throwdown)

Why it ranked? In the episode, Quinn’s secret is revealed to the school and most importantly to Cheerleading couch/ Show Choir Co-Director Sue. This episode changes the entire dynamic of the club and this performance was the first time I believed that this rag tag band of misfits could actually become a team. I also enjoyed that the actors kept in their characters. Quinn was visibly upset and understanding the lyrics. Finn and Rachel were torn between their growing attraction and their responsibility to Quinn. Plus on the upside I hate the Avril Lavigne version even though I love her as a song writer.

Glee Performance Countdown - #10

For a while I have gotten some complaints about my lack of blogginess. Mainly from my mom who doesn’t think I am alive unless she sees some form of internet activity. The problem has been that I haven’t wanted to post about Glee because I didn’t have too much to say that was positive. I was getting annoyed with stories and plots crappy edits but at last the mystery was answered when the Fox Execs admitted to altering the viewing order of the episodes which caused scenes to be deleted and such. This makes me hopeful for the DVD so that I can see what was intended to be aired and how. Either way because people that have access to me while I am sleeping have not watched the finale I will reserve my judgment (loved it) for later. In the meantime I thought I would get together with my work wife and with her editing come up with the top ten performances of the season and my reason why.

Now this was a lot harder then I thought it was going to be. First off it is like which of your favorite organs is your favorite. You kind of need them all to survive and even though you can live without some it isn’t ideal. Also, I had to go through 103 different songs according to Fred (my Ipod). Not to mention you never realize how much the show depends on Lea Michele until you have to go through this exercise. The key factor being that it had to be a performance I enjoyed visually, audibly, and story wise. Which is much harder than I originally thought. There are some songs I listen to all the time (It’s a Man’s, Man’s Man’s World, No Air, and Like A Prayer) that I couldn’t stand for story or visual purposes. So begins the list of songs that I felt were well performed and made sense in the story.

Starting with the weakest of the bunch number 10 – Proud Mary (from Wheels Episode 9)

Why it ranked? Because they freaking sang the hell out of a song in wheel chairs – that’s why. In the episode, Mr. Shue teaches the kids a lesson about how hard it is to be in a wheel chair by making them raise money for a handicap accessible bus so that the entire team can travel together to Regionals. This also marks one of the few closing numbers where the solos went to Amber Riley, Kevin McHale, and the criminally underused Jenna Ushkowitz.

Who is number 9? Tune in tomorrow.

Unplugged

So after some deep meditation and a not so friendly reminder I have decided to do the unthinkable for my trying to do something new in May: I will unplug for a week and see how I go. I know. Some of you are trying to wrap your heads around this blasphemous statement. I would be safer running into the Apple store and say that the iPhone has no clothes than try to unplug.

That is the sick and twisted reason I am doing it.

This week from Monday until Sunday I will be DARK. No Facebook. No Twitter. No Blog. Obviously I will have to use the internet for work and email but now social networking, not even for Linked In. Foursquare though I am not giving up. I know Neda wants my Mayorship too badly.

I have always been plugged in to the net from my days as a wee young lad on the dial up throughout my world travels including the boondocks of the world like Darwin or Christmas Florida. I would walk 3 miles up a hill both ways in Scotland just to make sure that I would be able to read insincere emails with my ex and of course order my comic books online. I am a child of the internet. I am trying to see though if I can be a child of life instead. You know – circa the 1980’s before the emailing and message boards eclipsed boy scouts and riding my bike to Goodings.

I know that this will leave several of you in a lurch. By this I of course mean my mom and Joan McCain. The rest of you will be as affected as the Winslow family was when little Judy went up the stairs never to be seen on Family Matters again. For those of you that care though remember to watch an All New GLEE on Tuesday night at Right after Idol (the live show that can’t end on time). The weirdest thing will be the Song of the Day on my facebook status. For this I apologize and weirdly will provide you with the following songs of the day which I hope will keep you moving through the day:

Monday: For You I Will (Confidence) - Teddy Geiger
Tuesday: You Keep Me Hanging On – GLEE all new Tuesday @ 9/8c on FOX.
Wednesday: The Republic Tigers – Fight Song
Thursday: WTF? – OK Go
Friday: Baby Boombox – The Handcuffs
Saturday: Smells Like Teen Spirit – Nirvana
Sunday: Ticket To Ride – The Beatles

Excluding Glee Tuesday – The rest of these songs were chosen by random by my ever trustworthy iPod.

So be good to each other my internet children. I will return. Feel free to call or text if you miss me.

Abuela

I was trying to avoid this topic on my blog because to be honest it isn’t my story to tell and it felt a little too personal. Then things happen which make me go – no one is going to believe this shizzle. My last living grandparent (Abuela) had a stroke almost two weeks ago which has affected the family. Thankfully everything is on its way to fine and she will be released from the hospital on Monday. Obviously I went to visit.

Now I don’t want this to come across as me bashing Puerto Rico because it is a truly beautiful dysfunctional country but, it needs to be said that their health care needs to get a freaking clue. I went to visit Abuela with my parents and we were turned down due to the following infractions:

Visiting hours are 2-4.
I was wearing shorts.
There were too many of us.

Now I may have been known to throw a temper tantrum or two (thousand) under the best of occasions my 98 year old Granny having a stroke is not one of them. Thankfully, my mom was there and manipulated the situation by having my Dad and Her count as hospital staff since they both are registered to practice medicine on the island (high five and mad snaps to the rents). The shorts thing though was a deal breaker. To be honest, I should have known better. But in 98 degrees and humidity that gave me serious afro I just wasn’t thinking straight. Plus to my defense I have never been to a PR hospital and my own parents didn’t correct my wardrobe. Who knew in a country where you can run red lights, have to get a new birth certificate, and can talk on your cell phone while “driving” that they would be so formal?

Mom sweet talked the guy but he still told me that even though he understood I was a teenager I was going to be a man soon and should dress like one. This sentence is fraught with irony. I don’t think he understood how grateful I actually was with it. Although, in retrospect I probably shouldn’t have been so excited to be told I would be a man soon.

Once in the room we visited with Abuela who was very excited to see us. I climbed into bed with her like I have my entire life and showed her pictures of Chupacabra which made her really happy. The nurses who came by then lectured that we had too many people in the room at one time. Even though Granny’s private nurse, Dr. Dad, and RN Mom didn’t count my two aunts, uncle, and I were too many people. This became a farce because our obvious solution was a push and a pillow to throw me in the closet. Literally.

My mom has a history of hiding in closets. As a little kid she would get coloring books, comic books, Oreo cookies, and a glass of milk to trick my sister and I into the closet during rain storms because she was afraid of lighting. We lived in Florida the lighting capital of the world. Somehow surrounded by a fort of pillows my mom felt like we were safe and that made her happy so we did it. Everyday during the summer we would spend an hour or two hanging out in the closet.

Every couple of minutes the nurses would come in and my aunts would hide in the bathroom while I was in the closet.

We left for lunch and security guard told me that I was not allowed back in until I dressed appropriately. I stifled my ^&#$% off and smiled again at the thought he called me a teenager again. When we returned from lunch the guard was not kidding. We had no choice but to distract him while I New York walked down the corridor and up the stairs to Granny’s.

Sunday’s visit was more productive because the guards were overwhelmed with the traffic and I was dressed appropriately. Either way Granny gets out on Monday. Here’s to recovery!

Double Shot of Gleek

So I have been a wee bit remiss on the entire Gleecaps due to some family and business issues. In the interest of time/space/and readability I will hit you both with quick little recaps and thoughts.

Firstly, Home the episode that is best described as why Glee works - The music and the characters to advance the overall story.

In a flash, Sue gets a magazine to cover her and is forcing all of the Cheerios to lose weight including new Cheerios Mercedes. In another Sue V Will, Sue steals the auditorium from the Gleeks which throws him into a path that intersects with our favorite booze hound April. Kurt casts Finn in a revamp of the Parent Trap which quickly goes bad when The Time Warner Cable Guy bonds with fatherless Finn. The entire episode was based on the concept of Home – metaphorically (within your own skin) and literally (the physical kind).

I loved almost everything about this episode from the small character bits the characters have between each other (Brittany/Santana; Puck/Finn; Kurt/Mercedes; Jesse/Rachel; even Artie and Tina had a few beats) to the massive character developments of Quinn – the voice of reason in this episode; Mercedes accepting herself and a healthy way to lose weight; Kurt realizing scheming has consequences and his own insecurities. They dealt with things like that stupid master cleanse that people put themselves through. Not to mention the number of one liners available! I did have a few bones to pick though:

1. Will finding out that Sue is black mailing the principle and not saying or doing anything about it. This is a guy that talks to his students about zits and he is going to forget that his boss is being blackmailed by a woman that wants him fired?

2. For an episode named Home how can we still not know where Quinn is living?

3. No ad buy from Promises, Promises or even a shout out considering the star of the Broadway show is on the episode?

4. I will be as heart broken as Rachel when Jesse’s “surprise” emerges. Even though they weren’t heavily featured in the episode their small interactions in scenes was great.

Overall this is an A episode (even with the cheesy campfire sing along at the gym).

Now to when Glee loses it’s balance - Bad Reputation. I have to stress this again. I love Glee. I love this episode but it shows exactly what happens when the show wobbles. In the Madonna episode was everything I feared Glee would be – insert whatever development needed to get to classic song. Bad Reputation was the opposite – move the characters forward and insert whatever song you can get. In a flash:

Someone posts a list of the hottest Glee club members and this causes the entire club to self destruct (think about a slam book). Rachel pathologically obsessed with being popular moves into a self destructive spiral to achieve a higher ranking. Puck tries for redemption. The other “core” Gleeks (Artie, Tina, Kurt and Mercedez) team up with Brittany to improve their standings as well. Principle Figgans gets wind of this and makes Will figure out who posted the list. The kids also do the unthinkable and post a private video of Sue dancing to the Olivia Newton John’s Physical. Will also assigns the kids to rehabilitate “bad songs”.

My first bone of contention is WHEN DID ICE ICE BABY EVER GET A BAD REPUTATION?!? As one that knows about 98% of the words to Ice Ice Baby I am thoroughly offended that this moment I have wanted for a year was tainted. Also, how is preggers Quinn dancing like this? Actually how can all of these kids dance like that?

I also didn’t realize that Physical (even with Jane Lynch being taken to 3rd base by auto tune) was another bad song the same for Can’t Touch This. Although, I didn’t think Can’t Touch This should have been used. Also, singing in the library is the worst thing they could do? I would think singing something by NWA while starting a food fight would be worse.

I love the movement in all of the casts’ character developments and the crazy introduction of the new Home Room/Astronomy Teach, Mary Katherine Gallagher - even if her lies are awkward and she is of the crazy. Nothing made me happier than Emma losing her stuff in the teacher’s lounge over Will’s screaming infidelities. But Emma would have told Will how she knew. I won’t spoil the culprit’s identity of the Glist but man did I love it. The one liners alone (including the shout out to PuckleBerry fans) made me giddy.

Let’s talk about the most contested plot point: Rachel’s movie. First off Run Joey Run was a great song because this song was crap in the 70’s and crap now. How did she get Britanna to agree to do it? Did the video remind anyone else of BatBoy? Why did it take Finn so long to realize what happened? Also, why doesn’t Puck sing more? To the character development points of the movie. I love that Finn calls Rachel out for lack of a better term for being Rachel. No one gets her like Finn – even if Jesse is the male version of her. A painful discovery for Jesse who has to deal with being triple cast and even in the end Rachel ends up with Fin(n) instead of The End.

Even with all of this and Lea’s amazing cover of Total Eclipse of The Heart I don’t get why everyone walks out on her. I guess she tried to explain herself the only way she knows how to communicate and she feels people will listen to her. I just don’t think that this song would be the song. Especially with all of the other real I’m sorry songs that exist. Although the ballet sequence was hot and I don’t care what that stupid writer says Jonathon Groff is hot and Jesse sizzles. I totally buy him as Rachel’s love interest and would actually be more disappointed if the character goes gay. That last scene doesn’t make sense to me so anyone that can explain it you have my cell. It must be the lack of I’m Sorry Cookies.
I would also appreciate it if anyone can tell me where Quinn is living and if it is with Puck then how he snuck out and why he would regress to wanting to make out with Rachel instead of staying on his path to redemption.

Overall B+

FB Relationship Status

I have been a Facebooker since you had to still be in college to get a Facebook account. That and the fact that I am constantly on Facebook - even when in the remote outskirts of civilization like the Australian outback or New Jersey has had a weird affect on people where they ask me how to do things. Now I am no expert but I do play one on TV. The one topic that has always come to the forefront is relationship status.

People ask me, ridiculously handsome man with impeccable hair (go with it, it is my blog), should I change my relationship status? My answer will always be the same; it don’t mean a thing unless there is a ring, Nueva or otherwise. Now I get the fact that you and your boy/girlfriend have been together for X years. Well, I turn your logic on you and say “Get engaged and make it official what are you waiting for you have been with them for X years”. That hurt didn’t it?

Here’s the deal. At the end of the day you are single. Nothing is going to change that. I don’t care if you have lived with your life partner for X years or even XI years (Hi Ali) you are single. Are you in a relationship – sure, for now. Ask yourself, self I know you are madly in love with X but can you see any reason why it wouldn’t work out? And if there is then think do you really want to broadcast the fact that you broke up? Or worse relive it when your hundreds of “friends” start messaging you with their condolences which really mean I want the gory details?

Break ups suck. We have all had that one heartbreak where it went very very very badly. The one where all of your friends knew and then the questions came a coming and a coming. Do you want to add another level where it becomes public? Think about Jen Aniston. She was one of the highest paid actresses and box office draws. Now, you can’t think of her without thinking of her being dumped by not just Brad but also John Mayer. Do you want that too?

So now it becomes what should I do?

I am all for leaving your relationship status off of the FB. Not in a Tiger Woods or Mike Nilon way but in a-it’s-not-your-damn-business-and-if-we-were-really-friends-you-would-know-business way. That way when you do get engaged because X realizes their life would be an episode of Party of Five without you then you can make an even bigger splash. Your friends, and I mean the real people you talk to, will know what is going on in your life. Everyone else is just watching a car wreck on the information super highway. So just say no to relationship status.

You are welcome.

Great Expectations

I think my expectations are set too high. That is the only thing that I can think of as to why I have yet to be instantly satisfied by a Glee episode this back nine. Weirdly, some of the performances have been some of my favorites (Hello, Hello Goodbye, Borderline/Open Your Heart, and Like A Prayer) and strong contenders for my list of Top Ten Glee performances of the season. Conversely, I haven’t been this happy on Tuesday Night since Buffy and Angel were on the air in 2003. In rewatching last week’s episode I feel that what was wrong with it was that it wasn’t that good of a season opener but a good episode. We needed a buffer of sorts. I get fast forwarding time on the show but, there were a few things that I as a viewer wanted and needed to see. For example what happened to Quinn? Did Rachel and Finn even get to go on a date? Why is Quinn with Puck now when last time we saw her she said she didn’t need any more drama? I wanted to see a school without Sue for an episode and the fall out her “suspension” would bring. Not to mention a few other things. Focusing on this week’s episode though, I am conflicted and I hate that.

Does it make sense that Sue would love Madonna – absolutely. But this level of devotion came out of nowhere like a Tiger Wood’s mistress. What is the motivation? Was Madonna in town? Did Madonna come on the radio? Playing her music over the P.A. everyday all day during classes? Not going to buy it – even in my musical Glee World. I did love the scene in the gym though with Sue inspiring the Cheerios (Becki is back!).

Again we have Rachel making public declarations in front of an Audience which bothers me. I get that Rachel is all about being in public and has that myspace page but some things are private. Rachel talking about the Birds and the Bees to Tina, Mercedes and even Quinn is believable. Santana and Brittany there? Although HIGHLY funny made me cringe and brought me back to my world. Shue just hanging out there and being ignored was funny too since teens ignore parents/teachers all the time. The cut aways to Tina and Emma were hysterical though. I am surprised and thankful though that Quinn didn’t start off the whole look at me I’m pregnant and you shouldn’t have sex -especially since you automatically lose the baby by putting on a bustier.

Emma and Will working together to make them feel better about themselves was great and a nice way to draw Will and Emma together but what did they do? I want the job of writing those pamphlets. The Ray of light Cheer section was amazing but once again a little too over the top. Why couldn’t they have a real cheer leading routine? Stilt walkers in cheerleading? I say thee nay. They should have trimmed that to make room for more snippets of other songs.

Will’s reason for doing the Madonna numbers worked especially since Glee is usually themed like an episode of American Idol anyway. I even enjoyed that the Guys weren’t so quick to be on board. FINALLY we see that the band has to be given a clue as to what song is about to be sung but I will take it. Sight reading is over-rated. The girls getting into full on performance mode was also appreciated (reminding me of Halo/Walking on Sunshine) but come on Quinn is pregnant and she lost her baby bump during the song. Also, CHANGE the guy’s clothes so that it didn’t look like it was the same day. When I pulled my hamstring I went to a misogynist.

Santana/Brittany/Finn at the lockers was amazing and believable. I loved that Santana calls Finn “Finnocence”. I love that she thinks the answers to her problems will be easily solved if she just takes care of the Finn situation and I loved that Finn flinched over the Rachel is dating Jesse comments. Emma V Sue – perfect.

Rachel lying to Finn and him calling her on it was great - especially when she throws the friend card in his face. I needed a little Quinn jab in there though. Rachel had to pine over him for 13 episodes including fake dates while Finn gets to just “deal”. My main problem with this story is that even though I want Rachel and Finn together I don’t want to see it anymore. I don’t think it is always wise to promote the mindset of the second you lose your man you should find another one because then your man will want you back. It is painful, but, sometimes in life the object of your affection doesn’t like you or if they do there is nothing they can do about it. Worse off, sometimes relationships just don’t work out – even if you are “meant to be”. Sometimes you end up just being friends with your “crushes” and that should be ok.

The mashup of Borderline/Open Your Heart'' is amazing vocally but, I hate that they turned it into a weird musical of them walking around the school flanked by Madonna’s everywhere? I mean sure, I am tired of their circling around each other like Roman Polanski and a minor but was this necessary? The weird break away after their liaison though was funny and I think that is where their relationship should reside. I am conflicted on this as I am sure other viewers are. I just think for now though I don’t want to see Rachel and Finn together even though they are my favorite couple. There may be more value in them just having this undercurrent of sexual tension but that she may be more viable with (and I hate myself for saying this) Puck or Jesse. He should find someone new to love like Julie Taylor (Aimee Teegarden from Friday Night Lights).

Will VS Sue in the hallway was perfection but I don’t think it is enough for Kurt and Mercedes to forget everything that Sue has put them though. I get it is a plot point to bring the two of them against Will and calling him out for never giving them solos but it wasn’t the best way of making this click for me. I loved that Sue opened up to them though about her “past” and why she picks on Will. But by now you have to think why the characters don’t know better then to trust or associate with her. 4 Minutes, a song I hate due to overplay (I know the ironies), has never sounded better. I also loved the look of jealousy in Quinn’s eyes as future center square and his brassy hag tore that Madonna song a new one.

Sorry Degrassi, but Jonathon Groff’s Jesse is the sexiest Melchior I have seen in modern teen High Schools. I don’t blame Rachel for agreeing to go forth with their dalliance. The entire scene with them over the piano was perfection. Rachel conflicted between her obvious love for Finn and attraction to Jesse choosing to lie and say that she slept with Jesse in order to see if Finn was hurt reminded me of the games that one plays when they are insecure in a relationship. Fair? Nope. Real? Yes. Finn on the other hand is an idiot. He didn’t want to lose face with Rachel so he lied about his romp in the motel 6. But thinking that Santana isn’t going to say anything about it because she told him that she was using him to secure head cheerleader is dumb even for a character that thought he got his girlfriend pregnant by hot tub-ination. Lying to Rachel about tramping it up in a motel room was believable although not enjoyable. I did enjoy though that he realized how big of a mistake it was though.

The Like a Virgin dream sequence was HOT. I loved how everyone handled themselves and that Santana finally sang. Not to mention the ramifications of the event/non event well, except for Jesse St. James.

I get why they moved Jesse into McKinley but ARE YOU KIDDING ME? The kid in the last semester of his senior year where he is the star of the show is going to just drop everything for a girl he just started dating? If this isn’t part of a nefarious plan I will be livid. Also, how is Jesse graduating if he is that talented? This is Vocal Adrenaline where the teacher get’s kids to not be able to graduate so that they can be eligible to compete. Remember, that is where Cheno, I mean April, came from. Plus this will affect his early admittance to UCLA. I did love that Finn’s reaction was so raw and focused on him. Not to mention Kurt and Mercedes pointing out their obvious lack of screen time. The “story” of how he transferred is not legit. I also love Santana’s self revelation,” He’s a spy, I should know”. Will Santana move from Finn to Jesse to further destroy Rachel? How is Sue going to react to this? Not to mention that Shelby is going to raise shades of hell that – eh it’s not real and I am not entertaining it. At least Rachel’s virtue is intact. Nothing will beat “Mr. Shue, is he your son?” Especially when my Idina is Lea’s mom theory is proven correct.

But where was our new “son” during the boys’ lesson on how they are jerks? If you are going to integrate him into the choir make him be there. Especially since Will knew that he was causing Rachel problems. Glad to hear Puck and Artie sing though. I still want to see and here more from Shaft and Other Asian (Matt and Mark). Tina losing her stuff in the hallway though was the most we have seen from her in episodes and it is a crime. Her scene with Artie at the piano cracked me up. If he says “get up on this” one more time though I will pull a Desmond on him.

Finn’s heart breaking apology and then accepting of Jesse was very adult and more like last year’s Finn and that is why the scene WORKED. Finn isn’t stupid he is trusting. It led to his down fall and will again but he doesn’t lose that quality which is why he “let’s” Jesse into the group. I love the song and performance of “Like A Prayer”. They should have shown more of it in the episode but the moment that curtain gets lifted and you see an ENTIRE GOSPEL CHOIR BEHIND THEM it makes you wonder two things. 1. Can I get a reservation for Gospel lunch at B.B. King’s because I miss Gospel music. and, 2. WHERE THE HELL DID THEY GET A GOSPEL CHOIR FROM? You can’t compete with a second choir plus we haven’t mentioned them before. They are just there. I hate things that are just there. I wanted a story behind it besides “Hi, I’m Finn and here is your gospel choir.” The biggest thing that pissed me off was that the end was cut off on my DVR because Idol went over. I had to wait till midnight JUST to buy the stupid episode so that I could watch the ending and it not be the complete song on air.

Overall I am going to give it a B+ because my initial reaction to it wasn’t strongly positive but the second viewing did sedate me a little. Either that or because LOST was so freaking awesome I was in the best mood ever to rewatch. I think Finn said it best, "I don't feel different because it didn't mean anything"

Things that annoy me:

Things that annoy me:

Smokers that don’t throw away their cigarette butts.
Preempting Soap Operas.
People that don’t read their emails correctly.
Finding things where it’s and its and its’ are used incorrectly.
Their, There, They’re abuse.
The word Moist.
People eating on the subway whether it is food or their nails.
Wearing scubs outside of a sterile environment.
Being served anything but Grey Goose. A Goose and Ginger IS NOT A GOOSE AND GINGER WITH BELVEDER.
Justin Beiber – just because the little lesbian makes me feel old.
Tyra Banks.
Ashlee Simpson Wentz (unless she is singing La La).
People that get to write for entertainment websites that get their facts wrong. I am looking at you Kate Ward on EW.com. WINNIE AND KEVIN DON’T END UP TOGETHER. I don’t expect normal people to know that (or what Q-Bert is) but if you get paid to write for a news/entertainment magazine I expect you to get it write (get it?).
My mother sending me articles from CNN.
People that talk on their cell phones in movie theaters.
Not wearing sunscreen.
Not being instantly in love with a Glee episode.
The song “What A Wonderful World”
Facebook recommending people to be my friends that I have over 40+ friends in common. Hey Facebook, if I have over 40 friends in common with them and we aren’t friends there is probably a reason (or more) why.

Why the list? Because most of those things have happened to me with in the last 24 hours. Thank fully I have all of you to comfort me – you being a bottle of Goose, a Tim Tam spoon, ice cream, Glee on my iPod, and my talking Stitch.

You Say Goodbye, I Say Hello

Remember gentle reader (that means Mom) that I have only watched this episode once so this is seriously my initial reactions. Welcome back Glee. My first impressions of the episode were mixed because there were some things that caught me off guard but made sense later. I am still frazzled so some of this will not make sense to anyone but I had to get it out there.

Sue is brilliant. That is all. I will say about this. That and that I was seduced by the glitz and glamor of Showbiz.

Will – shouldn’t have made a deal you didn’t think you could keep. We know it is all about Regionals not Sectionals. Get with the script. I don’t care if there are new watchers and you are trying to get them caught up. You make Will seem dumb and scummier. I do love though that he doesn’t take his own advice until it is forced upon him.

Will & Emma – I get it. I get that he doesn’t know who he is and he is trying to figure himself out but his treatment of Emma and the way he face raped Idina was brutal and made me dislike the character. I don’t expect Will to be the White Knight but I did expect better of him than his treatment of Emma. She shared something extremely personal and caring about herself and he acted like a kid. Ray Charles could see that coming, and not on his face. I get that instant couple doesn’t work but I think he would have handled it better. How do you go to slow dancing in a living (God do I love that) to then making out with another person you just met? I don’t get it. Explain.

Terry V Emma though was entertaining. The salvo of using Will’s forgotten past as ammo against a frail Emma was delicious. It was a way of checking Emma and giving her the doubts and even the motivation to break up with Will so that he could find himself. His make out with Idina worked in that context but I couldn’t buy it in the moment.

I love the Finn – VO and his flip-flop on Rachel but I think he flipped back too soon. I would think that yes he was jealous of Johnny G but still he is a BMOC and he thinks he can get Rachel back at any moment. He would play the field more than 20 mins. before trying to get her back.

Santana and Brittany – HAWT. The cheerleaders date each other and others. This is definitely the show I want kids under 15 to watch.  that is sarcasm.

Before I get too far into the Rachel Rant I have to say I have a HUGE soft spot for Lionel Richie and the song Hello. Ironically it reminds me of someone and hearing John and Lea sing it makes me cry in my sleep because it is hauntingly beautiful. But the freaking orchestra appears from nowhere and it pisses me off. Don’t break the rules Glee. Stop it now. The song was achingly beautiful without them.

Rachel, my darling Rachel, I get you most of all. The falling into an instant relationship and then the speech that Finn gave you. I am not ashamed that I openly wept. Being on the receiving end of that speech before and having to fire back while trying to mask your pain hit too close to home. I also loved her lashing out in song and I have one for each break up. The scene with the “core” Glee clubbers and Rachel was a wee bit too intense. Look, I get being brutally honest and painful admissions. I believe the line is “I know who I am and how many chances at this am I going to get?” was way to honest to announce to a room full of people. Had she said it to Mr Shue (similar to the pilot monologue) or even to both of the girls I would get it. But, it is too much to say in front of Kurt and Artie. That was an intimate moment like the one that Rachel shares with Jesse where she says that this is something she will never get over. Haven’t we all said something like that? Nope? Just me? Ok. I will call my therapist now but Ali is sleeping.

The scene with the old maids club was ridiculous and should have ended up on the director’s floor.

I find the way that they introduced Jesse was trite. It is clearly a set up especially with him looking over Rachel’s shoulder while making out with her and seeing his choir director that looks JUST LIKE HER. Isn’t it weird that he is a senior and has been in high school in 3 years which is the last time that the choir director dated? They are pulling a Debbie LaFave.

That is all because I must go to bed. I will think more as I watch the episode probably 3 more times.

Like a Phoenix

Hannah Montana has a song called “Everybody Makes Mistakes”. Some mistakes are small, like admitting on a blog that you listen to Hannah Montana, Others are larger like casting Ashlee Simpson Wentz on, well, anything. I have been blowing it. What am I talking about? My resolutions. You see as I approach my 25th birthday (just go with it) I decided to go on this quest to improve myself through New Year resolutions. My official one (the 12-31 kind) was to make a new resolution every month while continuing the previous one. The first was starting this blog. It has had it’s hits but a lot of misses since I haven’t really been good with the whole update as much as possible. The second was reading a book a month.

Now, I could get into the litany of excuses as to why I didn’t write but the truth is that I am lazy when it comes to it. The same thing goes with reading “real books”. I am trying to get better. I finished March and it was good if not darker than I normally like to read. I have this rule when it comes to Westerns and anything dealing with War. It is called don’t get attached. For the best example see Into The West. So even though the book was the telling of Little Woman based off the POV of the Father, it wasn’t the safe family fare that I was expecting. Remember gentle reader, we are a product of our environment. My environment was filled with superheroes and princess stories. I finished it and can understand its’ merits but will not be reading it again. I would definitely recommend it though to anyone with a stronger mental capacity.

On my quest for trying new things I have been doing Yoga for the past month. It has helped with my flexibility and I have enjoyed it. So this new month I am trying my new thing: forgiving myself for my mistakes. Which is harder than it seems. It is one thing to forgive myself for missing a subway it is quiet another for the larger things. But, those take two things Goose and Ice. No, I kid – patience and faith. I managed to finish Marches’ book the first weekend of April. It focused me and I can say that I finished April’s book Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang. I am posting this blog. Meaning that I have done better and that is all I can ask for. That and for casting directors to seriously think about the Ashlee Simpson Wentz thing. I am not kidding about that.

Adventures in Deaf Dog Sitting

I love dogs. Up until I moved to New York I have always had a dog in my life that I could steal/play with/fawn over. First there was Boxie thus named because he slept in a box in my sister’s room. I couldn’t talk so there wasn’t much of a debate when it came to naming the dog. He was around until a little after my 15th birthday and I am still convinced that he was my mother’s favorite child. After he passed, we buried him in the backyard and planted a sapling on top. This sapling grew up to be a strong tree that has survived several hurricanes and blistering summers in the Florida sun.

I would be remiss to mention the stray cat we took in when my sister was in 9th grade. Some future sociopath threw a bag over the fence of our house on Christmas. When my Dad opened the bag he saw a poor bloody and broken black kitten. My father couldn’t bear to have the poor creature’s final hours be spent in the “cold” of winter without knowing any kindness. So, he took the black cat my sister named Chat Noir (black cat in French) into our home where she lived until this last fall. My parents buried her next to Boxie’s tree which is fair considering the cat never quiet got that she was a cat but instead acted like Boxie’s child.

College brought me one of the best behaved dogs I have ever met. You could imagine my surprise when I was greeted at the McCain’s by Joan, a baby, and the prettiest chocolate brown lab I ever saw. Moxie stood in the door jamb as regal as a show dog that had been awarded the Best of show. I loved that dog. I loved house sitting for her, I loved taking her out, feeding her, going to the vet, everything. For some odd reason I could feel that Moxie was actually grateful when you did things for her. She would look at you and nuzzle your leg as a thank you. Not to mention the abuse she would take from the kids who wanted to ride her as a pony. I don’t think I have ever been as heart broken my entire life as when she died to the point that thinking about it gets me misty.

Currently, I just have my Ruby, Sadie, Luca, and Bella to fixate on but I can’t ever pet them because they are miles away.

You might be wonder why the face with the Old Yeller rerun accompanied by “The House That Built Me” or I thought this blog was funny (sometimes). I swear gentle reader (Hi Mom) that this will all make sense. Ali was the same way. She was raised with her precious Peaches who also sadly passed recently. You see it is this internal longing for a dog (preferably a Chocolate Brown Lab Girl named Grant) that is the reason why Ali and I will dog sit for ANYONE (seriously I have references). Ali’s boss Ray got himself a dog last year. A sweet rescue dog that happens to be deaf that is called Scout. Now this is funny because through grades 3-7 I was called Scout as a derogatory slur towards my goody toe-shoes ness. Obviously, these people did not know me or just thought the horned rimmed glasses I was rocking with my Superman tee shirt meant I was some kind of Latin Clark Kent.

Ali and Ray are off at the Kids Choice Awards not seeing Sandra Bullock (Vanilla Gorilla – WTF?) and they left Scout with my next door neighbor David. Well, David needed my help for the evening and of course I jumped on it like it was a trampoline when I was in second grade. It was also the night of Amanda’s going away party from the 622 (my old office building). Now Mom this is the part where you stop reading and anyone else that is bored at work continues. Thanks.

So I may or may not allegedly have skipped lunch and then started drinking. It happens to the best of us (when we are 21 and carrying our collegiate amateur status card) but not to professionals like me. I behaved myself because I knew at 7 I had a doggy date. I waltzed home and grabbed Scout for our walk. Now gentle reader let’s think about this. The 50+ pound deaf dog went on a walk with a slightly inebriated clumsy boy for a walk. I decided that this needed my full attention so I left my iPod at home and didn’t even get on my cell phone after I sent a quick text pick bragging about my ward. I know you are all shocked that my phone left my hand and a drink wasn’t involved.

We managed to do fairly well together until we got to 10th Ave. and 49th street. Scout would not move. She was insistent to the point of belligerence that she was crossing that street and going to the Hudson. Sully would have been proud of her dedication to the cause. It dawned on me how stupid one must look fighting with a deaf dog because I wasn’t talking to her (She’s deaf) so it was more of a physical exchange and visual pleading. People must have been like “why doesn’t the moron just call her?” I felt like Carrie Bradshaw when she took Pete out for a walk and the dog got the runs on the street and she is explaining to people “He’s not my dog”. Later I was told there was a dog park just down the street which was probably what Scout was after. Finally Scout relented because the wind changed and something caught her smell.

We were walking down 10th back to home when she came across two other dogs. The guy walking them was yelling commands and being all Cesar the dog whisperer while I am just holding the chain. The boy dog totally wanted to tap Scout but the girl dog was all fierce and growling. Scout of course just stood there all happy oblivious to this exchange and then trying to sniff her new friends. The guy looks at me and asks me why I am not doing anything. I look at him and say “Dude, my Dog’s deaf what do you want me to do?” But, seriously, what am I supposed to do? The guy lost his attitude and managed to yank his dogs away. Scout looked at me licked her nose and moved on.

When we got home I ordered myself some Mac and Cheese from Eatery with a side of DVR to celebrate. Scout sniffed around the apartment for awhile but quickly lost interest with me and sat herself in front of the front door and gave me the look that I usually only get on first dates. You know the look – the one that screams “seriously let me out of here I have more important things to do then hang out with you - like licking myself and drinking out of toilets.” I took her home and in that short time was defeated because Eatery called and said they couldn’t deliver for some b.s. reason. I had no choice but to cook (i.e. call Vynl) and plop down for some Mean Girls and Modern Family. Overall a success.

Dancing Through Life

It’s a weird feeling when you come home and an extended period of time has passed. There is this vibe like someone has been in my room but I don’t know what is different. At first I was thinking that being back to work reminded me of coming back to school after summer vacation. You have those few days where you wobble but then manage to come roaring back. It feels like that but extended to every aspect of my life. Couples broke up, couples got together, and the world kept turning. It has been interesting to suss out what events were shocking happened and are now deemed minor. Almost like a live episode of LOST.

I had an amazing pantry break with the effervescent Kevin Bacon of the Mormon world Karyn where we chatted and it is interesting to me how every time I talk to her she manages to understand everything I am saying even though it is twangy, slurred, and nonsensical. Then again it isn’t hard to discern what “I can’t feel my face” means in my world. She always manages to provide brilliant insight and an awesome sounding board. She is also quiet a little blogger.

One thing that has bothered me to no end is the failure that is masquerading as American Idol Season 9. Firstly, I like Kara. I don’t care if you turn on me but Kara knows what she is talking about even if she does seem very annoying. She has always made sense to me but, I am use to people hating her. It is weird to find people (all 12 that watch AI this year) like her. It is even weirder to see Ellen who came on strong and then flamed out as a judge. It is also torturous because Naomi from 90210 was calling herself Katelyn and got eliminated. Like Ms. Clark would go out before being able to go on tour? Basically, this season blows.

Speaking of blowing, thine name is Survivor. Yes, I still watch it. No, I won’t finish this season. CLEARLY it is going to be Pavarti Vs another winner at the end.

Lastly Glee, my precious Glee, I am worried about our relationship. It is one thing to have a concert tour it is another to think you are going to pull off a Broadway show. Don’t believe me? Ask the carcass that is Spider-Man. If Peter Parker can’t do it what makes you think you can? Especially because part of it (and by part I mean 2/3 rds of the main draw would be having Lea and Matthew back on the great B-way). How are you going to pull that off and still film? Why don’t you just focus on what I REALLY want which is summer episodes. I have always hated how summer is skipped or briefly mentioned on teen shows. The only shows that did it Right Saved by Mr. Carosi and 90210’s summer season.

Finally, I am finding myself obsessed with Joshua James’ “Lovers without Love”. It is a hauntingly beautiful song that according to iTunes I have heard 25 times this week. Opps. The link for it is: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CJsPjkrwmts

St. Patty's

I was devastated that one of my favorite holidays ended without my favorite annual tradition: Guess the Walk of Shame. You see my legion (hi Mom), every year I love walking to my Starbucks, getting my Grande caramel macchiato, and then walking to work with my iPod blaring as I watch people do the walk of shame. Now, in Hell's Kitchen the walk of shame has classic signs.

1. The outfit is way to night vs day. Plus the heels are usually higher than any cast member from a Dr. Drew show.

2. They usually trip, fall, or run into someone/thing. I prefer the trifecta when they do all three.

3. The large bottle of water.

4. The large coffee.

5. If I am REALLY lucky the caked on makeup.

and lastly, my personal favorite:

6. The what-the-hell-just-happened expression as the person of interest is trying to piece the night together look as they realize they have no idea where they are in the city. BONUS points if they ask for directions.

Now seeing this gives me a glow that last way past my afternoon lunch and into my 4:20 snack time. The fact that I didn't see ANYONE do this makes me start to wonder have people grown up and bought some self respect at Duane Reade? Or did the amateurs stay home on St. Patty's? Neither of these are acceptable to me. Hopefully this will be resolved by Cinco de Mayo.

Khe Sanh

“Well the last plane of Sydney's almost gone.” From Cold Chisel’s .


Dear Reader(s):

If you haven’t figured it out by now your guide is just making this up as he goes along. You see, he has this quirk where he flashes forward way to often and a smile and hello leads to visions of Gardenias wrapped in brown and pink satin. He also has a problem of letting go of the past which is why this blog is a bit behind. You see in his mind, he thinks that if he can delay posting his final Sydney blog that he is still there and not really trapped in a 9x9 office with a view of a derelict building watching rain and or snow fall. Instead, he is having a rerun of his perfect Friday.

The day started off with the usual coffee and banana bread with a Tim Tam for good measure. From there the minutes flew while we fed, changed, fed, changed, changed then fed the Chupacabra. She went down for her afternoon nap so Iris took me out to lunch to “celebrate” my last day. Obviously, this is not something I wanted to celebrate. In fact it is the opposite of celebration and more of banishment. Or to put it back in Buffy terms I was in heaven. I think I was in heaven.

The food was great at our little bistro by the sea and we continued our chat about life, love and the pursuit of an episode of the View where Elizabeth doesn’t come across so sanctimonious. We did our 4 o’clock walk along the beach with me rocking the Bjorn and got our picture taken. The usual exchange with my sister occurred recounting my love life and its’ future occurred while my sister nodded her head and attempted to sound interested. I kid, my sister was enthralled, and by enthralled I mean she stayed awake. We passed this street artist who had been there several times during our walk and he sold us a painting of the beach which I have at my house. Later on we went to dinner at the Awaba café (where I get our breakfast) and had a nice dinner talking about things in generalities while trying to talk in specifics. It was funny though because Matt thinks that constant contact with someone makes it less meaningful AND less efficient. Obviously the over communicative pairing of Iris and I disagreed profusely. I still think there is nothing wrong with talking to my sister daily. We get all of the good stuff out of the way quickly and then when something major happens we can discuss that instead of getting through the pain of the automatic how’s work, etc. topics.

I did my last nightly feed and had a great little chat with my Elle who cooed and burped when appropriate. Ironically it was one of the best conversations I have had in a long while. Saturday brought a tender moment where my sister and the baby sat on the bed with me while we chatted and played. Weirdly it made me flashback to when I was in 8th grade and my beloved Caroline Powell was moving back to England causing me my first great heart break of my young life.

I still remember feeling too stupid to talk to my parents about it and my arch nemesis (Iris) finding out about it. I locked myself in my room as moody teenage boys are prone to do and cried my eyes out. When there was a knock on my door I knew I was doomed for a lifetime of teasing for my moment of weakness. Instead, Iris took me to her room and held me until I cried myself to sleep. The next morning we acted as nothing had happened and were still as adversarial as ever but with a hint of understanding and a glimmer of compassion.

I rejoined the present thanks to a well placed diaper change and then finished packing my room. We took a few more pictures and shared a few more precious moments before the cab came to take me away. I managed to dry my eyes long enough to get on my flight before heading back to a place that even though was familiar was far more foreign and far colder with only a few nuggets of memory to keep me warm.

Baby's First Police Station Trip

Well gentle readers the case of the missing wallet has been SOLVED. You see my wallet was found on the side street near our daily walk about and then turned in to a police station over an hour away. My gentle and faithful readers (hi Ali and Mom)know that my wallet went missing on day two of this trip. For the longest time we thought it was just in the house that baby owns. Especially, since there was no card activity or anything and I hate carrying cash.

One day we did the circuit at all of our shops and asked all of them if they had found it. At one point this achingly beautiful little shop girl told us to ring the police because when she lost her wallet that is where it turned up. We paid no attention to her because 1. she was too pretty (even by my Aussie blonde standards) and 2. she was too pretty.

Weirdly that night when I went to watch LOST I couldn't buy the new episode because iTunes had a problem accessing my credit card. I of course flipped out and rang my Dad to get his so that I could watch LOST. After I got what I wanted from Dad I just kept motoring on. Finally, last Sunday my sister (more so than I) decided hey maybe I should be an adult about all of this and cancel my cards. At the last minute I also called the police station and sure enough I had a VICTIM number. That is right gentle reader I am a vicitm!

We made arrangements to pick up the wallet and that is when we got the police report. It was actually a nice place as police departments go. Officer Nagy was helpful and got all my stuff back to me (although he was not predesposed to taking a picture with me or letting me take a picture in the station for you all to see.) Over all a pleasant experience was had by none. At least I finally got to go to jail on this island of criminals.

Monday - Whitney

So Monday was filled with the usual perils and obstacles of dealing with a baby. After her victory round versus the car seat the baby has been acting like a baby (gassy and in need of changing). We did manage to get out to the beach again for a quick little jaunt to grab some café and banana bread. Besides that it was just baby getting on a schedule and trying to do some work from the couch.

Tuesday was Manny’s day out. While her Royal Highness Princess Iris the first took the other royal princess to show and tell at both Iris’ and Troy’s offices I was discharged into 1987 via the Sydney Harbor Bridge Climb. Now, I’m not one for tourist attractions (Yes, I am) but I must say this is one of the most enjoyable things I have done in a long time. I am a wee bit nerdy but I love hearing historical tours on things and how they came to be. This one came with the added bonus of walking the bridge and going to the top of it.

The tour starts with a brief safety demonstration and then you go into a room where you get sized up for a suit. These jumpsuits were not only mandatory, but they also come with passes to meet and greet with Dale Jr and Danica after the climb. Before you are allowed on the real bridge, they strap you up in gear and then make you do a practice run. I was born half monkey and this continued throughout my life. I like to climb things so I am use to heights. Also, when I moved to NYC I (read my parents) bought me a loft bed. A loft bed is a bunk bed with a desk on the bottom bunk. Very efficient for places with limited space like my old Upper East side apartment. This bed required me to climb a ladder in all stages of sobriety and tiredness. I only bring this up now because my bridge climbing guide was extremely impressed with my climbing ability. She even picked me to go right behind her on the climb. Now this could be because 1. I was alone. 2. She wanted to tap the Pedro Keg. 3. I am a good climber and a teacher’s pet. I’m going to go with 3.

The bridge is over 400ft tall at its top and on a windy day, you can’t hear anything anyone is saying but the best part is that the suits have holes in them so the wind fills them up. As I was talking with my guide Kim she told me that I just missed the Glee Cast who had just done the climb. That’s how my life works. After the climb I went to what passes as a mall to get the groceries and to pick up some Jessica Mauboy. Three of you know who she is because I forced her down your throats but, she is one of my favorite R&B singers. Check her out on youtube: Running Back (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aNqJNj3Clf4) and Because (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m_3f7kBhElY)

Wednesday brought us to WHITNEY HOUSTAN. Yeah, for some reason Oprah voice doesn’t work in capslock. Ever since Frank Sinatra passed I have had a concert bucket list. I kinda relaxed on it for a while because after Tony Bennett (7 times suckas) I figured I would have time to get to everyone else. Then MJ died and it reminded me – I need to get back to the list. Let’s also face it, Whitney’s had some issues from BAAAAAWWWWWBBBEEEEEE to teaching Oprah how to roll a joint during her “recovery”. In case you missed it, Whit’s been getting blasted for canceling her only show in New Zealand and for a horrendous show in Brisbane so she had a lot riding on Sydney. She is still a force to be reckoned with. The poor lady sounded legitimately sick and not me not wanting to do push ups in 6th grade in front of Caroline Powell sick. They showed clips during the show of her acting career and it made me want to watch the Body Guard again. She also was infected with a diva attitude of the AGES. She stopped her band several times, half sang a few songs, add in a sermon (free of charge) and changed clothes to a crowd that was still in their seats. My sister and I stayed in our seats because since there are only 4 Spanish people in Australia we are kinda stuck representing our race. Think of it like the Jersey Shore kids only real. The thing about it was that when she was on she was ON. I would definitely recommend it just to say you did it.

Case of the Mondays

Life is tough as a Manny.

Humor is a B*tch

The weekend was off to a righteous bang. Her royal highness Princess Eliana the first held royal court with a boat load of visitors on Friday after mommy took the baby to her weekly weigh in at el centro solo. You see, Tio was up late working and the thought of rolling out of bed for a doctors visit made him sicker than ET when he was held captive by the government. With a still on vacation wallet, I just slept the day away until the masses invaded bringing gifts. Suzi brought the best gift in my hungry eyes because it was the best burrito I have tasted in a while. Friday was pretty chill and we repeated our night time feed ritual.

Saturday is when my life truths came back to haunt me. You see, in my life, there are three truths to be self-evident: 1. if the water is hot there is no way I am taking a 5 minute shower. 2. I hate brushing my teeth for as long as my electric tooth brush makes me do it. I still do it, but, I hate it. 3. If I make fun of something it will happen to me.

In the land of Oz there is a commercial about babies taking a number 3. A number 3 not being ejaculation but instead a massive poo which can be found here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N3ZIxjJQHP4. I have been making fun of this commercial for days because let’s face it Iris and I watch the View, Oprah, Ellen and the Kardashians so we see this commercial often. In my over 20 years of babysitting (exes included) I have never had the situation where a baby required a diaper change while driving. Until today.

So while we were on our way to the marina for a fun boating family day the little one decides to take a number two in the car while we are driving. Originally thought to not be that big of a deal because my sister and I are horrible drivers a decision was made to make her wear the dirty nappie for an extra 5 minutes while we got to our destination. BIG MISTAKE. Less then ten minutes later the flood gates that are developing into Eliana’s bowels came open and she had such a massive deposit she overflowed her diaper and got stuff in her car seat. Contented with her handy work she kept fighting Tio while he was trying to do triage and clean her slightly by moving around and getting the stuff all in her car seat.

It was the best 5 minutes ever.

My sister and I were laughing so hard at this that Iris began crying. I of course thought it was a complete FML but she actually took it like a good sport. We managed to get the baby and car seat out without spilling in the car and it took THREE adults to clean her off. This was then followed by a dockside lunch and snooze in a boat. I got to sun tan on the stern and read while Troy decided to wash the baby off with the hose. This is when our two genetics lessons came in to play. 1. Even though my sister and I have passed for twin our entire lives, I do not have her tanning gene. I go pale to lobster even with sun screen. 2. The baby has to be ours because the shriek she let out when the cold water hit her was reminiscent of my behavior at our old apartment.

After the boat ride my sister decided to cut the many lose and made me go to the beach for an hour before our faux cousin came over. It was the first time in over a year that I had been to a real beach. The water was blue, the sand was real, and the breeze made you forget the time. All things that I have yet to see in a beach above the Mason Dixon. This is a real beach mon friends and it was heaven. I just laid in the sand channeling my inner 14year old listen to Taylor and dreaming of far off days and lives that will never be.

We spent the evening of champers, strawberries, and fish chatting it up with V and caught somewhere between 1998-2000. Over all a great way to spend my last weekend in the land of my heart if not my soul.

P.S. I am going to start making fun of me winning the lotto since Troy refuses to become American in order to win Survivor for me; Ali refuses to gain weight to win Biggest Loser; my sister refuses to go on the Amazing Race with me; and I am too old and not radio ready to win Idol. Lotto here I come.

Surviving Hollywood Week

The thing about writing a blog is trying to remember everything that happens and then finding the time to write it. So Tuesday was an interesting day because the precious schedule that we have worked so hard to get the baby on was blown by the doctor visits on Monday. You see my new baby rearing bible is called “The New Contented Little Baby Book: The Secret to Calm and Confident Parenting” has a very specific schedule in it. When it works it is like American Idol season 4 (Carrie Underwood’s season) and everything is puppies and butterflies. When it doesn’t work it is like Idol Season 5 (Taylor Hicks) full of disappointment and that dirty feeling you get from making out with a stranger at a bar at 3 am (not that I have ever done that Mom).

Because of this flux in the schedule, Tuesday is a blur. I just remember clearly thinking that Eliana is STRONGLY team Edward because any time I wear my Team Jacob shirt she spits up on it. It was also during this time that I noticed that Ellen has a segment/game that she plays with celebrities where Ellen/Celebs makes animal noises and then the other guesses what the animal is. My little niece would excel in this except that she can only make snorting noises and a caw like a macaw bird. I figure though if she has mastered these things by now imagine the level of ability she will have when she is older. The only thing of note was I managed to catch a rerun of Buffy The Vampire Slayer.

Now some of you know I am a wee bit obsessed when it comes to TV. This was the show that spawned this in me. When Buffy was on the air, it was a crime to call/text/stop by on Tuesday nights. I would tape every episode (pre-dvr) and then watch them over and over again. I would buy multi-regional VCRs just so I could buy the tapes of the seasons when I was in Europe. I was obsessed. I had been avoiding watching Buffy because it is so intrinsically linked to a specific period of time that has been hard to reconnect with. All I can say is that Buffy is still as good now as it was then.

Wednesday we had another adventure in the outside world. Iris and I took advantage of the “new” schedule so we took the baby shopping. We decided that it would be easier if Iris did the majority of the shopping while I stayed with the baby at a café reading my new book “March”. After a quick nosh I took the stroller for a quick walk down to the grocery store where Iris met us with the car. I must say this and apologize for my capslock voice: IF YOU SEE A STROLLER ON THE SIDE WALK GET THE F OUT OF THE WAY. What is it with Men that see a stroller and do nothing to move out of the way? Every single woman that I saw had appropriate stroller etiquette. Every man? Douches. One bloke even managed to knock into my stroller and caused the baby to cry and said nothing.

Wednesday was also my first night time feed. Anyone that has ever had to wake a sleeping baby up for a feed understands the Hellmouth that I opened. The baby isn’t much of a crier but she was not happy to be woken up to the Glee soundtrack. Think Ali but with better bed hair and a reason for wearing a diaper. Slowly I managed to feed her and get her back into bed before getting access to another set of Babies: Survivor Heroes V Villains. I don’t know what it is about this show but I love and get heavily invested in it (especially All Star editions).

Thursday was our resting day. Getting us out of this house was next to impossible. I did some work and we fought all day to get the baby to get back on schedule. I did manage to watch American Idol and must express my outrage over Angela Martin. Dear AI Judges as much as I love Hailey she is 16 and choked. Why not make HER wait another year and let the ready singer go through especially since she is no longer eligible because of your stupid age restrictions? Yeah, no response. That’s what I thought. She had better end up on X-Factor.

Lastly, how exciting has LOST been? Anyone else getting memories of Sliding Doors?

Post V-Day

Previously, on the secret life of the Australian Manny… The Angus-Davila household has exceeded its’ internet bandwidth allotment for the month. Valentine’s Day was approaching. After a night out on the town our young Manny was strolling home to look after his young charge.

So after a brief lecture/explanation of the Aussie rules, Troy managed to extend our coverage by 4 Gigs. Now that may seem like a lot to some people, and by some people I mean you non addicted to the Internet type people, but to me that is half an hour and a great Thursday night lineup of TV. So after downloading Grey’s, Grey’s Jr, Buffy v2.0, and Modern Fam I broke the Internet again. Thankfully, this was after my sister had sent massive emails to our family with mucho photos so she once again took the bullet for me. It was like elementary school all over again. Troy has reupped our limit but once again I have been instructed that I cannot and will not be downloading massive amounts of TV shows. Of course this kills me because I must know what happens on Greek, JLA, and Secret Life all of which were new. The Olympics have made my dreams come true because most networks aren’t airing stuff but hopefully this means my gentle readers will forgive me for lack of more photos (although my fb page has new ones) and absences in my daily briefings.

Saturday night continued on with our good friend and resident chef Mandy coming over with her beau to bake me some cupcakes from scratch. Obviously Mandy has been briefed on the way to my heart. We hung out, had some wine, pizza, and of course conversations that aren’t fit for print. Although, I must say that the line of the evening was “too many tats and not enough jail time” coming from Simon describing his encounters with the Australian Homeless Population. It is very rarely stated that I think someone can survive or much less contribute to a Davila Sibling summit but I have a feeling that Simon could handle himself accordingly.
The night turned into Valentine’s Day and a power nap by my sister (aka the Net Nazi) led to a quick posting of a V-Day photo. Originally, I had planned on letting my brother-in-law and sister have a fabulous night out with just their company while I stayed home with my Valentine, La Chupacabra (Para los Gringos http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chupacabra). I forgot a key fact in my sister’s life: she hates Valentine’s Day.

I have searched my data banks and I have no clue as too why she hates the holiday because she has always had good ones but thankfully her hubby hates it too. I on the other hand had a long string of V-Day success that was tragically broken in 2007 and still riding the single train to my Little Miss Sunshine 401k. The thing being that I still love Valentine’s Day. Yes, I know it isn’t a “real” holiday. I understand that it was created to peddle flowers and cheap wares but I love the concept of people that normally aren’t romantic having to express their feelings. Think about it – Valentine’s Day is the musical of holidays and musicals fill me with GLEE. My sister took me out to get a mani/pedi and then we just stayed home but it was still a great day with a poo filled diaper.

Monday was a bit harder. You see our young charge has decided that her schedule blows. It was a pretty productive day though with a doctor’s visit, a trip to the grocery store, shoe shopping, AND a beach walk but man did the kid make us pay. It was during our beach walk and in between Skype sessions with our parents and 2/3rds of our brothers that I made my February resolution. For those of you keeping score my New Year’s resolutions were the following: read one critically acclaimed book a month and do one new resolution a month. January’s resolution was this blog. February’s is simple – stop caring about people that don’t care about you.

Now I am not going to go all Sue Hawk or anything but I am done making an effort with former flames that aren’t real friends, friends that are more like acquaintances, and crushes that don’t realize that what they are looking for is throwing themselves at them. I have instead decided to date me. I will be buying myself stuff, making dates for myself (trapeze school), and taking myself out to nice dinners. Life is too short to pine over people that don’t realize you are alive.

Monday led to Tuesday and that brought a whole new string of adventures and a baby that even though she was crabby was a dream baby. But that is an adventure for another day. Love all and serve all.

Happy Valentine's Day

I will write more later but I had to put this picture up quickly (aka before the Net Nazi comes in and stops my usage). I thought a pirate onezie for a criminal island would work well.

The Net Has Limits

Day 7 brought a lot of accomplishments to the Angus-Davila household. For starters we managed to escape the house for a lunch with our friend Sussannah at Hugos in Manly Wharf. Getting out of the house is a constant challenge. Between remembering and planning for every possible situation (what if it rains, do we have the pacifier, what if it gets cold, who has the toy?) and then physically getting all of the supplies needed out of the house one gets tired. We managed to not only have a great lunch but we also managed to do a great walk along the beach. We also booked appointments, went grocery shopping, and had a fake out when we thought we had found our missing wallet.

Day 8 (Friday)

Taking care of the headliner of the Princeton class of 2032 has been a blast and we got another day of accomplishments. Went for her check up (she is officially one month old now) and we were told that she is growing like the national deficit - quiet excellent. My sister decided that I need to have a boys’ night out with some of her friends. Now it may come as a shock to most people but I honestly would prefer to stay at home rather than go out. I know that is throwing my socialite status into question but I really love just staying at home with a nice plate full of slice and bake cookies rotting my mind with TV. And yet, I go out - a lot. I do it because I know that it is something that I may not like but that is good for me in the long run. Like the gym, only my brain and my liver get a work out. My missing wallet would have a work out too except you know it is missing. I am thinking it is somewhere off the coast of Capri right now ordering drinks and trying to get to third base with the money from the Geico commercials.

Naturally, going out isn’t always fun for me but it is less fun when the evening has to be sponsored by my sister because I don’t have a wallet. Nothing says manhood than groveling for money. I also had to borrow a pair of shoes because none of my shoes were fancy enough to get into the bars here. Apparently, they do not appreciate “rocking kicks” even if I am from out of town. The rain started pouring when I got into the cab and that is when I knew this night was going to blow more chunks than the sorority girl on the plane.

I like being wrong. I actually had a great time just sitting around Jerri’s apartment talking about different things and waiting out the hurricane sized rain storm that was having its’ way with Sydney when my sister’s fight buddy showed up. Every group has a version of this guy. The guy that is just argumentative for the sake of being argumentative. Well, in this case the bloke’s name is Joe. He took to calling me Iris for the night because I look and sounded like my sister to his drunken eyes and ears. I told him that was fine but that I was going to have to call him Dad for the rest of the night because the only person that calls me by my sister’s name is my father. We waited out the rain and had some pizza before finally departing into the bat and cloud filled sky. The boys walked me through a dark alley which I could have sworn I had seen on the Vampire Diaries but we made it through ok. Or did we? Either way you may want to be careful the next time you invite me into your house.

We did the bar hop going from one place filled with underage teens that were over dressed to another place with under aged teens that were over dressed. We finally settled down for the night at Mandy’s newly flooded apartment. The abundance of rain over the last few days has made the ground unable to soak up anything except for my pride.

Day 8 started off lovely with some quick toast and a cab ride home. With Troy being home I like being in the shadows so that three of them can have as much family time together as possible. So I just lounged around the house searching for the lost wallet and finishing my book of the month “The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time”. So far the book resolution has been happening. My sister and I then went for a treat – Thai massages but the funny being that they actually had a sign up that said no happy endings. I was thinking of asking them what about content or even bad endings but I figured I shouldn’t push my luck. We arrived home only to find that the unimaginable had happened – I broke the internet.

Apparently here in Australia things are set up with an allotment of how many Gigs you can download. My TV addiction coupled with my sister’s emailing of pictures, my brother-in-laws work, and our house guest Matty’s work we have exceeded the usage. Who knew that was possible? So don't fret too much if you don't see me online anytime soon.

Days 4-6: Celebrate the small stuff.

Celebrate the small moments. My sister is a constant over achiever in life. She will refute this statement which is fine and expected. It has never been enough to just do something she has to do it well or as the best and quiet frankly it can be annoying. I on the other hand have developed more of a balance toward celebrating small achievements and going toward larger goals. This may however explain why she is $uccessful working in finance in Australia with a gorgeous husband and baby while, I toil at a successful career in advertising with a gorgeous bar and full DVR.

Although the original intent of this was to document every day with my life lessons I have been set a drift with my sister into desperate housewifedom. I personally am enjoying the journey. Day 4 taught me to celebrate the small achievements in life which here are smaller than even I expected. For example I know it is going to be a good day if we can get the nugget down for her 9 AM nap without the pacifier and my sister and I have taken a shower, brushed our teeth, and had coffee. Seriously, Mormon mommies how do you do it without coffee?

My sister has this book that has become our guide to surviving the baby. We have pretty much developed a schedule that spares me from the first part of the day (aka the 5 AM feeding). My day begins with 7:30 AM. I move all of our supplies for the day to the main room while mommy and baby sleep. Mommy has referred to herself as a cow with the countless feedings. Baby (whom I now refer to as Chupacabra)gets fed and then we do spin class. This is when I play with her feet in a circular motion to help build them up. We peddle for one song and then we move to fist pumps. She does not like either of these things which leads me to believe her gym career will mirror mine more than her parents. Then it is nap time for her gym time for Mommy and dishes para Tio. The rest of the day is a blur until 4PM when we have our outing. This could be a walk on the beach or just going to the grocery store. Either way it is exciting. This is when I finally talk to to my sister which is odd considering we spend all day together but we never speak about anything of substance until 4.


Bullet points for everything else:

My wallet is missing and has been for 3 days. It was last used in the living room to feed my comic book addiction. My Sister thinks it is Heavenly Father's way of telling me to quit.

I miss Shirt Tales - You know the 80's cartoon show with the animals that had tee shirts that changed with their moods or thoughts. I wish someone would invent those now considering that I am not as good of a detective as parents need to be.

My sister is Batwoman. She always know what is going on with the baby to a scary degree. I have only been in sync with one other person in my life like that and find it fascinating that my sister can do it with someone that can't talk.

Australia makes me feel bad about myself. Not in a 5th Ave Abercrombie Store way but in a they have droughts and water shortages way and my daily vice is a long hot shower(when I remember).

Poo is my highlight. For some reason when the baby goes poo we get REALLY excited. Like touchdown at the Superbowl happy. So you can imagine our happiness when she pooed so much she overflowed the diaper.

I burned myself trying to heat up a bottle and it was awesome in a way that wasn't.

We all take turns cooking. I, of course, only know how to make omelettes.

Allegedly, it is too soon for the baby to have a personality but THEY ARE WRONG. This baby is a mischievous little bugger. For example, I changed her diaper the other day and it was soaked as I grabbed the new diaper and cleaned her off I left her for a second without closing the diaper so that I could wipe her down. So of course she starts to wee trying to get uncle. BUT I HAVE PRACTICE YOU WOOD NYMPH. She did not get me that time. Today though, after changing a poo diaper I was so happy that I picked her up for a second without a diaper and she decided to desecrate my Superman tee shirt by weeing. You won that round baby. You won that round.

Lastly, I am throwing this up there without any form of editing so you can see how scattered I truly am right now. I know there has been more funny (like my sister drying dirty clothes)but the days just blur. Welcome to the neighborhood.