Saturday, February 6, 2010

A Love Letter To Glee

Dear Glee:

Everyone knows I love you in a way only a cheesy Michael Bolton song can describe but, as we enter the back nine we need to dtr. There are some things that I have forgiven because I was blinded by love and distracted by either Lea’s voice or Matthew Morrison’s rapping ability that need to be addressed.

First, let me explain that I was in a choir with people that make me sound meek. We are talking voices so loud that there were times windows would shake. Even then you could tell it was only X number of people. Now I understand you want to sell records and downloads (we will address that shortly) and that you want that to sound as amazing as possible. I get that but for the integrity of the show if I have three Cheerios singing I want it to sound like three Cheerios singing. If there are 12 kids (even if one of them is Lea) I want it to sound like 12 kids. I also want them to sound like them meaning ditch the studio singers. Make this happen. And since when has auto tune been allowed in show choir? Take the kids singing Nelly in the choir room in Throwdown. That worked perfectly and felt normal (even though it wasn’t a normal moment).

Point 2: How the hell can those kids sight read so freaking well? I mean besides Rachel, Puck, Artie, and Finn none of the other kids have been shown to have any reason to know how to read music. Even then the guys don’t have to read music they could play by ear (drums, bass, and guitar) and even a great singer like Mercedes may not know how to read sheet music she just has to make it sound like someone else. I enjoy the moments were the kids actually struggle like Tina did with Tonight. This comes into play at Sectionals. I am all for “hey we need to change the set list” but here’s the thing – They had practiced and choreographed DOZENS of numbers instead of using one of those numbers why did they have to come up with an all new number. The least they could have done to explain it is to say “well, we need a new number because we don’t know what other songs of ours the deaf kids are going to sing since we stormed out in the middle of their set”.

Now to my biggest existing pet peeve. I get you people are greedy bastards but seriously get it together with the complete my album feature on iTunes. Or offer up different versions – for example I would love to have the deaf choir version of Imagine mixed AND the New Directions version. Give me a reason to buy the weekly downloads because after getting screwed hard on the first CD I definitely be waiting now to get the new music.

Now to the story point that I still can’t get over after watching every episode at least 12 times – Knocked up Quinn is going to give her baby to Mr. Shu. I get it we need the drama. Where was the fall out? Not once did we have Shu confront Quinn or even mention it to her or anyone. After everything that Will has done for her, he wouldn’t even mention it? Not even directing some of that well deserved rage at the 2.0 version of his wife? Come on? He is all happy go lucky and smiley with her even though he knew that she was lying to him and knew his wife wasn’t pregnant? Who is that conniving at 15? Also, what happened to Quinn after the big reveal? Did she stay with Finn or did she move somewhere else? Emma surely would have interfered had she known anything about it either by giving Quinn the lecture she needs or by finding her a home. Where is my Saved By The Bell after school special moment? All I get is the scene of Quinn and Rachel? “We cool bro?” NO Glee, we ain’t cool.

Now, I know that I shouldn’t judge before watching but it makes me nervous that they are adding all of these new kids. Don’t get me wrong – I love me some Jonathan Groff but what I like most is that he will be at a rival school. The casting notices for a male Mercedes, Kurt’s bf, etc. make me nervous. I want to spend more time with the “friends” we have that we don’t know about like Santana, Brittany, Mike and Matt (whom I still have to IMDB because I only know them as Shaft and other Asian). Not to mention all of this “We didn’t know Puck/Rachel was going to catch on” business? Gee, what are the odds that the annoying young ingénue paired with the bad boy who is really “misunderstood” would take off leaving the guy next door heart broken and left to be the next assistant with Mr. Belding?

Overall, I know I should be happy. You have given me hours of entertainment and a soundtrack that my entire building now knows by heart. I just don’t want you to take a Nip/Tuck move to LA on me. I just wanted to get this off of my chest the way Tyra wanted her weave off. Don’t hate me.

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