Khe Sanh

“Well the last plane of Sydney's almost gone.” From Cold Chisel’s .


Dear Reader(s):

If you haven’t figured it out by now your guide is just making this up as he goes along. You see, he has this quirk where he flashes forward way to often and a smile and hello leads to visions of Gardenias wrapped in brown and pink satin. He also has a problem of letting go of the past which is why this blog is a bit behind. You see in his mind, he thinks that if he can delay posting his final Sydney blog that he is still there and not really trapped in a 9x9 office with a view of a derelict building watching rain and or snow fall. Instead, he is having a rerun of his perfect Friday.

The day started off with the usual coffee and banana bread with a Tim Tam for good measure. From there the minutes flew while we fed, changed, fed, changed, changed then fed the Chupacabra. She went down for her afternoon nap so Iris took me out to lunch to “celebrate” my last day. Obviously, this is not something I wanted to celebrate. In fact it is the opposite of celebration and more of banishment. Or to put it back in Buffy terms I was in heaven. I think I was in heaven.

The food was great at our little bistro by the sea and we continued our chat about life, love and the pursuit of an episode of the View where Elizabeth doesn’t come across so sanctimonious. We did our 4 o’clock walk along the beach with me rocking the Bjorn and got our picture taken. The usual exchange with my sister occurred recounting my love life and its’ future occurred while my sister nodded her head and attempted to sound interested. I kid, my sister was enthralled, and by enthralled I mean she stayed awake. We passed this street artist who had been there several times during our walk and he sold us a painting of the beach which I have at my house. Later on we went to dinner at the Awaba café (where I get our breakfast) and had a nice dinner talking about things in generalities while trying to talk in specifics. It was funny though because Matt thinks that constant contact with someone makes it less meaningful AND less efficient. Obviously the over communicative pairing of Iris and I disagreed profusely. I still think there is nothing wrong with talking to my sister daily. We get all of the good stuff out of the way quickly and then when something major happens we can discuss that instead of getting through the pain of the automatic how’s work, etc. topics.

I did my last nightly feed and had a great little chat with my Elle who cooed and burped when appropriate. Ironically it was one of the best conversations I have had in a long while. Saturday brought a tender moment where my sister and the baby sat on the bed with me while we chatted and played. Weirdly it made me flashback to when I was in 8th grade and my beloved Caroline Powell was moving back to England causing me my first great heart break of my young life.

I still remember feeling too stupid to talk to my parents about it and my arch nemesis (Iris) finding out about it. I locked myself in my room as moody teenage boys are prone to do and cried my eyes out. When there was a knock on my door I knew I was doomed for a lifetime of teasing for my moment of weakness. Instead, Iris took me to her room and held me until I cried myself to sleep. The next morning we acted as nothing had happened and were still as adversarial as ever but with a hint of understanding and a glimmer of compassion.

I rejoined the present thanks to a well placed diaper change and then finished packing my room. We took a few more pictures and shared a few more precious moments before the cab came to take me away. I managed to dry my eyes long enough to get on my flight before heading back to a place that even though was familiar was far more foreign and far colder with only a few nuggets of memory to keep me warm.

Baby's First Police Station Trip

Well gentle readers the case of the missing wallet has been SOLVED. You see my wallet was found on the side street near our daily walk about and then turned in to a police station over an hour away. My gentle and faithful readers (hi Ali and Mom)know that my wallet went missing on day two of this trip. For the longest time we thought it was just in the house that baby owns. Especially, since there was no card activity or anything and I hate carrying cash.

One day we did the circuit at all of our shops and asked all of them if they had found it. At one point this achingly beautiful little shop girl told us to ring the police because when she lost her wallet that is where it turned up. We paid no attention to her because 1. she was too pretty (even by my Aussie blonde standards) and 2. she was too pretty.

Weirdly that night when I went to watch LOST I couldn't buy the new episode because iTunes had a problem accessing my credit card. I of course flipped out and rang my Dad to get his so that I could watch LOST. After I got what I wanted from Dad I just kept motoring on. Finally, last Sunday my sister (more so than I) decided hey maybe I should be an adult about all of this and cancel my cards. At the last minute I also called the police station and sure enough I had a VICTIM number. That is right gentle reader I am a vicitm!

We made arrangements to pick up the wallet and that is when we got the police report. It was actually a nice place as police departments go. Officer Nagy was helpful and got all my stuff back to me (although he was not predesposed to taking a picture with me or letting me take a picture in the station for you all to see.) Over all a pleasant experience was had by none. At least I finally got to go to jail on this island of criminals.

Monday - Whitney

So Monday was filled with the usual perils and obstacles of dealing with a baby. After her victory round versus the car seat the baby has been acting like a baby (gassy and in need of changing). We did manage to get out to the beach again for a quick little jaunt to grab some café and banana bread. Besides that it was just baby getting on a schedule and trying to do some work from the couch.

Tuesday was Manny’s day out. While her Royal Highness Princess Iris the first took the other royal princess to show and tell at both Iris’ and Troy’s offices I was discharged into 1987 via the Sydney Harbor Bridge Climb. Now, I’m not one for tourist attractions (Yes, I am) but I must say this is one of the most enjoyable things I have done in a long time. I am a wee bit nerdy but I love hearing historical tours on things and how they came to be. This one came with the added bonus of walking the bridge and going to the top of it.

The tour starts with a brief safety demonstration and then you go into a room where you get sized up for a suit. These jumpsuits were not only mandatory, but they also come with passes to meet and greet with Dale Jr and Danica after the climb. Before you are allowed on the real bridge, they strap you up in gear and then make you do a practice run. I was born half monkey and this continued throughout my life. I like to climb things so I am use to heights. Also, when I moved to NYC I (read my parents) bought me a loft bed. A loft bed is a bunk bed with a desk on the bottom bunk. Very efficient for places with limited space like my old Upper East side apartment. This bed required me to climb a ladder in all stages of sobriety and tiredness. I only bring this up now because my bridge climbing guide was extremely impressed with my climbing ability. She even picked me to go right behind her on the climb. Now this could be because 1. I was alone. 2. She wanted to tap the Pedro Keg. 3. I am a good climber and a teacher’s pet. I’m going to go with 3.

The bridge is over 400ft tall at its top and on a windy day, you can’t hear anything anyone is saying but the best part is that the suits have holes in them so the wind fills them up. As I was talking with my guide Kim she told me that I just missed the Glee Cast who had just done the climb. That’s how my life works. After the climb I went to what passes as a mall to get the groceries and to pick up some Jessica Mauboy. Three of you know who she is because I forced her down your throats but, she is one of my favorite R&B singers. Check her out on youtube: Running Back (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aNqJNj3Clf4) and Because (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m_3f7kBhElY)

Wednesday brought us to WHITNEY HOUSTAN. Yeah, for some reason Oprah voice doesn’t work in capslock. Ever since Frank Sinatra passed I have had a concert bucket list. I kinda relaxed on it for a while because after Tony Bennett (7 times suckas) I figured I would have time to get to everyone else. Then MJ died and it reminded me – I need to get back to the list. Let’s also face it, Whitney’s had some issues from BAAAAAWWWWWBBBEEEEEE to teaching Oprah how to roll a joint during her “recovery”. In case you missed it, Whit’s been getting blasted for canceling her only show in New Zealand and for a horrendous show in Brisbane so she had a lot riding on Sydney. She is still a force to be reckoned with. The poor lady sounded legitimately sick and not me not wanting to do push ups in 6th grade in front of Caroline Powell sick. They showed clips during the show of her acting career and it made me want to watch the Body Guard again. She also was infected with a diva attitude of the AGES. She stopped her band several times, half sang a few songs, add in a sermon (free of charge) and changed clothes to a crowd that was still in their seats. My sister and I stayed in our seats because since there are only 4 Spanish people in Australia we are kinda stuck representing our race. Think of it like the Jersey Shore kids only real. The thing about it was that when she was on she was ON. I would definitely recommend it just to say you did it.

Case of the Mondays

Life is tough as a Manny.

Humor is a B*tch

The weekend was off to a righteous bang. Her royal highness Princess Eliana the first held royal court with a boat load of visitors on Friday after mommy took the baby to her weekly weigh in at el centro solo. You see, Tio was up late working and the thought of rolling out of bed for a doctors visit made him sicker than ET when he was held captive by the government. With a still on vacation wallet, I just slept the day away until the masses invaded bringing gifts. Suzi brought the best gift in my hungry eyes because it was the best burrito I have tasted in a while. Friday was pretty chill and we repeated our night time feed ritual.

Saturday is when my life truths came back to haunt me. You see, in my life, there are three truths to be self-evident: 1. if the water is hot there is no way I am taking a 5 minute shower. 2. I hate brushing my teeth for as long as my electric tooth brush makes me do it. I still do it, but, I hate it. 3. If I make fun of something it will happen to me.

In the land of Oz there is a commercial about babies taking a number 3. A number 3 not being ejaculation but instead a massive poo which can be found here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N3ZIxjJQHP4. I have been making fun of this commercial for days because let’s face it Iris and I watch the View, Oprah, Ellen and the Kardashians so we see this commercial often. In my over 20 years of babysitting (exes included) I have never had the situation where a baby required a diaper change while driving. Until today.

So while we were on our way to the marina for a fun boating family day the little one decides to take a number two in the car while we are driving. Originally thought to not be that big of a deal because my sister and I are horrible drivers a decision was made to make her wear the dirty nappie for an extra 5 minutes while we got to our destination. BIG MISTAKE. Less then ten minutes later the flood gates that are developing into Eliana’s bowels came open and she had such a massive deposit she overflowed her diaper and got stuff in her car seat. Contented with her handy work she kept fighting Tio while he was trying to do triage and clean her slightly by moving around and getting the stuff all in her car seat.

It was the best 5 minutes ever.

My sister and I were laughing so hard at this that Iris began crying. I of course thought it was a complete FML but she actually took it like a good sport. We managed to get the baby and car seat out without spilling in the car and it took THREE adults to clean her off. This was then followed by a dockside lunch and snooze in a boat. I got to sun tan on the stern and read while Troy decided to wash the baby off with the hose. This is when our two genetics lessons came in to play. 1. Even though my sister and I have passed for twin our entire lives, I do not have her tanning gene. I go pale to lobster even with sun screen. 2. The baby has to be ours because the shriek she let out when the cold water hit her was reminiscent of my behavior at our old apartment.

After the boat ride my sister decided to cut the many lose and made me go to the beach for an hour before our faux cousin came over. It was the first time in over a year that I had been to a real beach. The water was blue, the sand was real, and the breeze made you forget the time. All things that I have yet to see in a beach above the Mason Dixon. This is a real beach mon friends and it was heaven. I just laid in the sand channeling my inner 14year old listen to Taylor and dreaming of far off days and lives that will never be.

We spent the evening of champers, strawberries, and fish chatting it up with V and caught somewhere between 1998-2000. Over all a great way to spend my last weekend in the land of my heart if not my soul.

P.S. I am going to start making fun of me winning the lotto since Troy refuses to become American in order to win Survivor for me; Ali refuses to gain weight to win Biggest Loser; my sister refuses to go on the Amazing Race with me; and I am too old and not radio ready to win Idol. Lotto here I come.

Surviving Hollywood Week

The thing about writing a blog is trying to remember everything that happens and then finding the time to write it. So Tuesday was an interesting day because the precious schedule that we have worked so hard to get the baby on was blown by the doctor visits on Monday. You see my new baby rearing bible is called “The New Contented Little Baby Book: The Secret to Calm and Confident Parenting” has a very specific schedule in it. When it works it is like American Idol season 4 (Carrie Underwood’s season) and everything is puppies and butterflies. When it doesn’t work it is like Idol Season 5 (Taylor Hicks) full of disappointment and that dirty feeling you get from making out with a stranger at a bar at 3 am (not that I have ever done that Mom).

Because of this flux in the schedule, Tuesday is a blur. I just remember clearly thinking that Eliana is STRONGLY team Edward because any time I wear my Team Jacob shirt she spits up on it. It was also during this time that I noticed that Ellen has a segment/game that she plays with celebrities where Ellen/Celebs makes animal noises and then the other guesses what the animal is. My little niece would excel in this except that she can only make snorting noises and a caw like a macaw bird. I figure though if she has mastered these things by now imagine the level of ability she will have when she is older. The only thing of note was I managed to catch a rerun of Buffy The Vampire Slayer.

Now some of you know I am a wee bit obsessed when it comes to TV. This was the show that spawned this in me. When Buffy was on the air, it was a crime to call/text/stop by on Tuesday nights. I would tape every episode (pre-dvr) and then watch them over and over again. I would buy multi-regional VCRs just so I could buy the tapes of the seasons when I was in Europe. I was obsessed. I had been avoiding watching Buffy because it is so intrinsically linked to a specific period of time that has been hard to reconnect with. All I can say is that Buffy is still as good now as it was then.

Wednesday we had another adventure in the outside world. Iris and I took advantage of the “new” schedule so we took the baby shopping. We decided that it would be easier if Iris did the majority of the shopping while I stayed with the baby at a café reading my new book “March”. After a quick nosh I took the stroller for a quick walk down to the grocery store where Iris met us with the car. I must say this and apologize for my capslock voice: IF YOU SEE A STROLLER ON THE SIDE WALK GET THE F OUT OF THE WAY. What is it with Men that see a stroller and do nothing to move out of the way? Every single woman that I saw had appropriate stroller etiquette. Every man? Douches. One bloke even managed to knock into my stroller and caused the baby to cry and said nothing.

Wednesday was also my first night time feed. Anyone that has ever had to wake a sleeping baby up for a feed understands the Hellmouth that I opened. The baby isn’t much of a crier but she was not happy to be woken up to the Glee soundtrack. Think Ali but with better bed hair and a reason for wearing a diaper. Slowly I managed to feed her and get her back into bed before getting access to another set of Babies: Survivor Heroes V Villains. I don’t know what it is about this show but I love and get heavily invested in it (especially All Star editions).

Thursday was our resting day. Getting us out of this house was next to impossible. I did some work and we fought all day to get the baby to get back on schedule. I did manage to watch American Idol and must express my outrage over Angela Martin. Dear AI Judges as much as I love Hailey she is 16 and choked. Why not make HER wait another year and let the ready singer go through especially since she is no longer eligible because of your stupid age restrictions? Yeah, no response. That’s what I thought. She had better end up on X-Factor.

Lastly, how exciting has LOST been? Anyone else getting memories of Sliding Doors?

Post V-Day

Previously, on the secret life of the Australian Manny… The Angus-Davila household has exceeded its’ internet bandwidth allotment for the month. Valentine’s Day was approaching. After a night out on the town our young Manny was strolling home to look after his young charge.

So after a brief lecture/explanation of the Aussie rules, Troy managed to extend our coverage by 4 Gigs. Now that may seem like a lot to some people, and by some people I mean you non addicted to the Internet type people, but to me that is half an hour and a great Thursday night lineup of TV. So after downloading Grey’s, Grey’s Jr, Buffy v2.0, and Modern Fam I broke the Internet again. Thankfully, this was after my sister had sent massive emails to our family with mucho photos so she once again took the bullet for me. It was like elementary school all over again. Troy has reupped our limit but once again I have been instructed that I cannot and will not be downloading massive amounts of TV shows. Of course this kills me because I must know what happens on Greek, JLA, and Secret Life all of which were new. The Olympics have made my dreams come true because most networks aren’t airing stuff but hopefully this means my gentle readers will forgive me for lack of more photos (although my fb page has new ones) and absences in my daily briefings.

Saturday night continued on with our good friend and resident chef Mandy coming over with her beau to bake me some cupcakes from scratch. Obviously Mandy has been briefed on the way to my heart. We hung out, had some wine, pizza, and of course conversations that aren’t fit for print. Although, I must say that the line of the evening was “too many tats and not enough jail time” coming from Simon describing his encounters with the Australian Homeless Population. It is very rarely stated that I think someone can survive or much less contribute to a Davila Sibling summit but I have a feeling that Simon could handle himself accordingly.
The night turned into Valentine’s Day and a power nap by my sister (aka the Net Nazi) led to a quick posting of a V-Day photo. Originally, I had planned on letting my brother-in-law and sister have a fabulous night out with just their company while I stayed home with my Valentine, La Chupacabra (Para los Gringos http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chupacabra). I forgot a key fact in my sister’s life: she hates Valentine’s Day.

I have searched my data banks and I have no clue as too why she hates the holiday because she has always had good ones but thankfully her hubby hates it too. I on the other hand had a long string of V-Day success that was tragically broken in 2007 and still riding the single train to my Little Miss Sunshine 401k. The thing being that I still love Valentine’s Day. Yes, I know it isn’t a “real” holiday. I understand that it was created to peddle flowers and cheap wares but I love the concept of people that normally aren’t romantic having to express their feelings. Think about it – Valentine’s Day is the musical of holidays and musicals fill me with GLEE. My sister took me out to get a mani/pedi and then we just stayed home but it was still a great day with a poo filled diaper.

Monday was a bit harder. You see our young charge has decided that her schedule blows. It was a pretty productive day though with a doctor’s visit, a trip to the grocery store, shoe shopping, AND a beach walk but man did the kid make us pay. It was during our beach walk and in between Skype sessions with our parents and 2/3rds of our brothers that I made my February resolution. For those of you keeping score my New Year’s resolutions were the following: read one critically acclaimed book a month and do one new resolution a month. January’s resolution was this blog. February’s is simple – stop caring about people that don’t care about you.

Now I am not going to go all Sue Hawk or anything but I am done making an effort with former flames that aren’t real friends, friends that are more like acquaintances, and crushes that don’t realize that what they are looking for is throwing themselves at them. I have instead decided to date me. I will be buying myself stuff, making dates for myself (trapeze school), and taking myself out to nice dinners. Life is too short to pine over people that don’t realize you are alive.

Monday led to Tuesday and that brought a whole new string of adventures and a baby that even though she was crabby was a dream baby. But that is an adventure for another day. Love all and serve all.